![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Frustrations
5/6/11 23:30It’s been a frustrating time for me recently. I’m fine, it’s just one of those times where the long road seems very long and full of holes. I also saw Kings of Leon, Belle and Sebastian and booked tickets for a day at Leeds festival purely based on Muse being the headliner. All of these things make me very happy, so really everything can’t be that bad.
Sadly the frustrations that have been buzzing around seem to have pushed themselves into my reading life as well. I spent a week hacking through a book I’m sure I would have swooned over at any other time. I picked up, put down, picked up, put down a book that despite its stunning writing feels kind of...icky, right now (so glad I came of age during the Friends generation, so I can use that word without feeling the need to clarify it – moving on). I actually finished a book, which was quite good, but wasn’t superb and it left me feeling unfairly dissatisfied.
It seems I have very specific tastes right now. I either want something exceptionally trashy (with unbelievable dialogue and lots of improbably action), or something guaranteed to move me with its brilliance. The problem is my brain tells me not to be wasting my time on trash because I’ve got so little time to read, but I’m never really sat reading long enough to concentrate on those heartbreaking works of staggering genius.
I need a compromise, because not getting a dose of satisfying reading is playing havoc with my mood right now. I need a run of books that are darkly fun, books that will drag me in with their sharps little teeth and shake me about a bit. ‘Total Oblivion’, the book Jeanne and I discuss together, did that. Despite being a little afraid of its length I found that ‘A Fine Balance’ kept me pelting through the pages, even if the ending caused my eyes to go up on stalks. I just need more of this kind of expereince and I need it guarenteed before my dissatisfaction puts me off any more perfectly pleasant books.
I guess the frustrations are part of what’s holding up my blogging here. I miss being able to get my thoughts out and I miss having the energy to comment around the town, but every time I sit down it all seems to get a bit daunting. I have how many reviews to catch up on? Man that’s a lot of posts in my feedreader. Maybe I’ll just watch another episode of ‘Miranda’ instead. But right now I’m deciding something’s got to be done about this. Last year I worked really hard on pushing the idea into my head that if I didn’t go out because I’d lost all my energy to work then work was winning. I set myself up in a proper battle where I had to win at life against the system of working for a living which only cared if I went to make money for it (inside my head, the world of work may rub its hands together more than necessary and have a trademark evil laugh). And yes, I was knackered by winter, but I had been a lot of places, done a lot of things and gathered a bunch of memories which I wouldn’t have got lying on my bed. The idea that I could ‘win’ is what got me on my healthy eating drive, but over the last three months I feel like I have slipped. I’m letting having a regular 8 – 5 job become an excuse for not doing as much, because I’m tired and frustrated at the end of the day.
I really can’t be having that. How do I expect to get anything done in life if I carry on like that? Work will not beat me out of living in up in my 20s. So, I have to stop eating emotionally, continue saving instead of emotional shopping, stop feeding myself comforting tv all the time instead of doing things like blogging, making and leaving the house.Come on capitalist systems on enterprise, let’s be having you. Motivational posts – locked on standby.
Sadly the frustrations that have been buzzing around seem to have pushed themselves into my reading life as well. I spent a week hacking through a book I’m sure I would have swooned over at any other time. I picked up, put down, picked up, put down a book that despite its stunning writing feels kind of...icky, right now (so glad I came of age during the Friends generation, so I can use that word without feeling the need to clarify it – moving on). I actually finished a book, which was quite good, but wasn’t superb and it left me feeling unfairly dissatisfied.
It seems I have very specific tastes right now. I either want something exceptionally trashy (with unbelievable dialogue and lots of improbably action), or something guaranteed to move me with its brilliance. The problem is my brain tells me not to be wasting my time on trash because I’ve got so little time to read, but I’m never really sat reading long enough to concentrate on those heartbreaking works of staggering genius.
I need a compromise, because not getting a dose of satisfying reading is playing havoc with my mood right now. I need a run of books that are darkly fun, books that will drag me in with their sharps little teeth and shake me about a bit. ‘Total Oblivion’, the book Jeanne and I discuss together, did that. Despite being a little afraid of its length I found that ‘A Fine Balance’ kept me pelting through the pages, even if the ending caused my eyes to go up on stalks. I just need more of this kind of expereince and I need it guarenteed before my dissatisfaction puts me off any more perfectly pleasant books.
I guess the frustrations are part of what’s holding up my blogging here. I miss being able to get my thoughts out and I miss having the energy to comment around the town, but every time I sit down it all seems to get a bit daunting. I have how many reviews to catch up on? Man that’s a lot of posts in my feedreader. Maybe I’ll just watch another episode of ‘Miranda’ instead. But right now I’m deciding something’s got to be done about this. Last year I worked really hard on pushing the idea into my head that if I didn’t go out because I’d lost all my energy to work then work was winning. I set myself up in a proper battle where I had to win at life against the system of working for a living which only cared if I went to make money for it (inside my head, the world of work may rub its hands together more than necessary and have a trademark evil laugh). And yes, I was knackered by winter, but I had been a lot of places, done a lot of things and gathered a bunch of memories which I wouldn’t have got lying on my bed. The idea that I could ‘win’ is what got me on my healthy eating drive, but over the last three months I feel like I have slipped. I’m letting having a regular 8 – 5 job become an excuse for not doing as much, because I’m tired and frustrated at the end of the day.
I really can’t be having that. How do I expect to get anything done in life if I carry on like that? Work will not beat me out of living in up in my 20s. So, I have to stop eating emotionally, continue saving instead of emotional shopping, stop feeding myself comforting tv all the time instead of doing things like blogging, making and leaving the house.Come on capitalist systems on enterprise, let’s be having you. Motivational posts – locked on standby.